Ballad of a Politician
by lizzabet
Summary: When the team is invited to the senator's ball, gratitude isn't what's on his mind. The only thing occupying his thoughts is that blonde Detective and he will do anything to have her.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I posted this story a while ago and never continued. Now I've rewritten the first chapter and I'm kind of done with the second so I've decided to continue :D I really hope you like it since it's my first SVU fanfic:) I got the idea from listening to Ballad of a politician by Regina Spector.**

 **Also, something happened to the first chapter before so I had to repost.**

Chapter One

The detectives at the 1-6 precinct were just finishing up a four days long case where the campaign manager for the up coming senator, Tom Wilkins, had been attacked. They had finally gotten the perp to confess and now all that was left was the paperwork to close the case.

"I still don't see why we have to go," Amanda muttered from her desk as she worked on the last piece of paper.

They had all been invited to the Senator's party tonight since they'd caught the person who hurt his friend, as he put it. Not everyone was looking forward to it though and would rather go home to get a long night's sleep.

"He wants to show his gratitude," Olivia explained to her, her eyes finding the blonde. "I think you can sacrifice one night. You don't even have to stay the entire evening, just show your face."

Amanda sighed loudly, putting away her file and standing up. She hadn't liked the Senator when she questioned him. There was something unpleasant in his eyes; they were piercing blue and could probably get any woman to swoon over him, but not her. He was acting too nice and like he was untouchable. So she didn't really look forward to socialize with people who thought they were better than her.

"Come on, Rollins," Nick said and turned around in his chair, a smirk playing on his lips. "You've never said no to a party."

Amanda shot him a death glare and Nick held up his hands in defense, chuckling slightly. He might've been right, but this was probably a lot more formal than she liked.

"I'm just not very excited about hanging out with a bunch of rich snobs," she told them as she put on her coat, moving a hand through her hair to get it out of the piece of clothing.

"Just stick with me and I promise you'll have fun," Nick said and Amanda couldn't help but to smile at him.

It wasn't unknown to the other detectives that they were seeing each other outside of the office, but they were all pretending like they were clueless so that Dodds wouldn't find out, and as long as it didn't affect work Olivia was fine with it.

"Alright, just don't leave me alone with those guys," she scrunched her nose and then smiled, glancing at Liv who was standing with her arms crossed, watching them.

Fin was the last one to be done with his paperwork and as soon as he was they could leave the precinct to get ready for the evening. They had decided to meet there, but Amanda was happy that Nick wanted them to go together. They lived somewhat close and could easily share a cab.

Amanda threw her keys on the table by the door as she entered her apartment. She was really tempted to just get dressed in her comfy clothes and put on a good movie instead, but Nick would be there in an hour to pick her up and he wouldn't give in that easily. So after giving Frannie a quick walk and filling her bowl with some food, she hurried to take a quick shower. There wasn't a lot of time left so she couldn't take her usual long shower. Only seven minutes later she stepped out, grabbed a towel and dried herself. Since she didn't want to look like a wet rat she used the blowdryer on her hair and when it was dry enough she used the curler to finish it off. Maybe she shouldn't spend that much time on looking good, but there were people who outranked her there so the least she could do was to look presentable.

There were only two dresses in her closet that would fit tonight's occasion. One was a black knee length dress that didn't hug her body too much and her breasts weren't too out there. The other one was a dark red strapless dress that almost touched the floor and hugged her curves a little more. For this evening she decided to go with black since it was more discrete and wouldn't give her any attention, except from Nick of course.

Her make up was kept light, only using some concealer for the bags under her eyes and she was just about to apply some mascara to her lashes when the doorbell rang. A smile spread on her lips as she went to open it to let Nick in.

"Wow, you clean up nice," he winked at her and let his eyes travel the length of her body.

"Are you saying I don't look nice any other time?" She drawled and cocked an eyebrow at him before turning back to the mirror to finish what she'd started.

"Of course not," he chuckled and went to stand behind her, his arms going around her body. "What I was trying to say was that you're beautiful." He placed a soft kiss below her ear which caused her to shiver.

The blonde put the mascara down on the table and turned around in his arms, placing her lips on his. "Are you sure you don't wanna skip the party?" She asked, digging her teeth into her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes innocently.

"Nice try, babe, but we're going," he said and pulled away. "But if you play nice tonight I will spend the night here."

Amanda pouted, but felt a bit better to have some company tonight. Since she started seeing Nick she'd realize that she didn't like sleeping alone.

"Deal," she whispered and grabbed her purse and keys, pushing him out the door and locking behind them.

Nick was wearing a classy, black tuxedo that worked very well with her dress. They had to admit that they did look good together.

A cab was already waiting for them when they got outside and Nick opened the door like a true gentleman, before getting in next to her. The driver was given the address and the couple leaned back in their seats. Amanda moved a hand through her blonde hair, arranging the curls over her shoulder.

"We don't have to stay for more than two hours, right?"

He looked at her in amusement and shook his head. "You really don't wanna go to this, huh?" He asked, stroking her side.

Shaking her head, a deep frown settled between her eyebrows. "Let's say I don't really like the senator. He's so full of himself," she told him and looked at Nick again. "But maybe it'll be a little pleasant with you around."

"That's probably how a lot of people become when they have too much money," he said, agreeing with her opinion.

Her hand found his and she intertwined their fingers, giving his hand a light squeeze. She turned her head to look out through the window and watched as the city passed them by. The sun was down, but the city was alive with all the lights from the streets and the buildings. They were almost there and for some reason she felt a little nervous which was pretty rare for her. Or perhaps it was a feeling of unease.

The vehicle came to a stop way too soon and she was dreading getting out of the car. Nick payed the driver and stepped outside first, forcing her to do the same. Olivia and Fin were already there when they arrived, both looking very different from what they normally looked like. They were all trying to fit in, but there was no way they would've been able to afford the same beautiful gowns all the other women were wearing, not with the law enforcement salary. The other women's dresses sparkled and wore jewelry worth a fortune. No matter how much they pretended like they belonged there everyone could probably see through it.

"Detectives," a voice behind them said, making them turn. The senator walked up to them and greeted the men with a handshake and the women with a kiss to their hands. Like before a chill travelled down Amanda's spine when she met his eyes and when his lips stayed on her knuckles too long she was forced to break the contact first. "May I offer you some champagne? We need to celebrate that you caught the son of a bitch."

Amanda had decided to stay away from alcohol tonight, but one glass of champagne definitely wouldn't hurt right now. A waitress came over, holding a tray with glasses and the senator handed out the three that remained on the black surface. The blonde detective was the only one empty handed.

"Hold on, Detective Rollins, I'll fetch you another glass," he said and she smiled stiffly. When she started to protest he held up a hand to silence her. "You'll need it for the toast."

She nodded in defeat and glanced at her colleagues as the older man walked over to the bar.

"I could've skipped it," she muttered dryly, hating to be the center of attention in their group right now. She didn't want any of that special treatment, especially not from Tom Wilkins.

Fin chuckled slightly at Amanda's comment before turning his attention to the man at the bar. "I just hope that toast isn't for us," Fin frowned. "We don't need everyone to look at us more than they already do."

The detectives laughed at that, knowing that he was right. Plus, there was something strange about getting this much resignation for their work. They did this on a daily basis and most of the time didn't get more than a thank you, if even that.

"Here you are," that voice interrupted them again and handed one of his glasses to Amanda. She was just to say her thank you when the senator demanded everyone's attention.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm really glad so many of you could come tonight. I want to give a special welcome to the New York's finest," he paused as he gestured to the detectives. "They recently helped bringing justice for someone I hold very dear and for that I am really grateful. They work hard to put the criminals on the street away and I want to dedicate this toast to them, to the amazing job they're doing." He raised his glass and everyone followed his movements. "To the SVU," he said and the guests repeated it before taking a sip.

The four detectives exchanged glances, feeling a bit hot under everyone's eyes, but still they took a sip along with them. Music soon started playing somewhere and couples got up to dance. Nick and Amanda contemplated hitting the dance floor too, but they settled for the snack table instead, leaving Fin and Olivia to talk to some rich dude with a lot of questions about cops. They were glad to get out of there and to finally get something to eat, probably the best thing at that party. No one else was interested in eating though, it seemed like, or maybe they had already grabbed a bite before.

"We probably look like we can't afford food," Amanda joked and took another sip from her champagne.

"I say the food's here for a reason," Nick shrugged and took a bite of the sandwich he had grabbed.

"You're absolutely right." She smiled and popped a strawberry into her mouth, closing her eyes in appreciation for the sweet berry. "That definitely qualifies as a mouth orgasm," she said, making Nick chuckle.

"I'm glad you're enjoying my food, Detective Rollins," the senator said beside her, startling both her and Nick.

They hadn't expected anyone else to be there since everyone seemed more interested in dancing. The blonde turned to face him and once again shot him a fake smile.

"It just seemed like such a waste to let all this food go untouched," she explained and dug her teeth into her bottom lip momentarily, her eyes flickering to Nick who looked at her in amusement.

The senator laughed and nodded in agreement. "Just my kind of woman," he said and to him Nick wasn't even there. "Would you like to dance, Detective Rollins?"

Amanda tried hard not to let her eyes widen and looked at Nick for an out. The male detective just shrugged his shoulders and smirked at her, finding this whole ordeal funny, especially if he got to watch her dance. It was obvious that the senator had taken some kind of liking to his girlfriend, but he wasn't worried because he knew Amanda could hold her own. Her was happy to tease her for now though.

"I'm really not a dancer," she tried to argue, hating how weak she sounded.

"Nonsense," he said with his usual million dollar smile. "All you have to do is follow my lead."

"Mr Wilkins, with all due respect..." For the second time that evening he held up a hand to silence her.

"Call me Tom," he said and then chuckled. "And I won't take no for an answer."

The younger woman sighed and grabbed her champagne, downing it quickly. "I'll need all the help I can get," she whispered to Nick before letting Tom lead her out on the crowded dance floor, which made her even more nervous. It was one thing to step on Tom's feet, but a whole other thing to step on someone else's.

As Amanda disappeared among the crowd of people in the middle of the room, Nick returned to Liv and Fin with a plate of snacks.

"Did you lose Amanda?" Fin asked in amusement.

"That senator guy wanted to dance," he said and nodded back to where Tom Wilkins was leading Amanda, who looked like this was rather painful. "And I'm enjoying watching her dance."

The older detectives laughed and glanced at Amanda before focusing on the food again. They were also very hungry after a long day at work.

Nick was watching her from time to time until she got lost behind all those people. He knew he had promised to be by her side all the time and she probably wanted to be saved right now, but the senator's interest in his girl was harmless. The older man would soon get tired of fighting for her affection move on to another woman. So Nick wasn't really nervous when he couldn't see her anymore.

Amanda wasn't sure when her body started to feel heavy and she suddenly got very tired, like she was in desperate need of a bed. The champagne must have been a lot stronger than she thought; or maybe it was the fact that she drank it too quickly.

"Are you alright, Detective?" the man holding her asked, looking at her worriedly.

"I... I don't feel very well," she whispered, closing her eyes momentarily. "I think I need to go home."

She started to move away from him, but he brought her back against his body, sending a warning signal in her head.

"Why don't we find some place to lie down instead?" He whispered in her ear, making her shiver and she swallowed hard. This wasn't good at all. The logical part of her knew that one glass of champagne wouldn't make her this weak, especially not since she was used to drinking a lot more. No, something was seriously wrong and the senator had something to do with it. She tried to let out a sound or meet Nick's eyes, but he wasn't anywhere near her. Unbeknownst to her, they were already leaving that room and going up the stairs. Amanda was getting weaker and trying to scream or struggle was useless. She hated that feeling of helplessness so she was determined to keep trying.

"Calm down, Amanda," he whispered and kissed her temple, which made bile rise in her throat. "I will take care of you and make you feel good."

"No," it came out as a weak protest, but her mind was screaming at him to get the fuck away from her. Even if she was drugged she wasn't stupid... or not that stupid. She knew what would happen once he found a bed and getting out of it was slim to none. Where was Nick? He had promised to be there with her. Where were her colleagues? Why didn't they come to the rescue?

She was put down on a softer surface and tried to get up again as soon as her back hit the mattress, but an unknown force kept her down.

"Please," she whispered, closing her eyes hard in hopes of seeing him better when she opened them again. She didn't understand where Nick had gone, surely he wouldn't have left her alone with this guy? Or had she done something to make him leave? Her memory seemed to be clouded, probably due to the drugs.

"I'll take care of my Amanda," he said in a quiet voice and started removing his tie.

There was no way he could go through with this without anyone realizing she was gone. They were all detectives and her colleagues would definitely come looking for her. Anytime now they would barge through that door. It was just a matter of time.

"You don't have to do this," she tried again. She'd had a lot of training with hostage negotiation. Granted, she wasn't exactly a hostage but she needed to talk some sense into this man, no matter how much she just wanted to sleep. "My friends... they'll come looking for me. If you let me go now I won't tell anyone."

"Oh, Amanda, I can't let you go down like this. You drank too much and I don't want you to get hurt."

By the time he was done saying that he had managed to take off both his shirt and pants, leaving him only in boxers. She started to lift herself up again, trying to get away from the inevitable, but he pushed her down and only held her up to pull down her zipper and dress.

He hummed in appreciation at the sight of her pale breasts that were now exposed. "You look beautiful, Amanda," he ran a hand down her body, to just below her belly, making her whimper. "And you're all mine."

The bed shifted and when he forcefully entered her without a warning, she wanted to scream, but it just came out as a loud whimper or moan, she really wasn't sure. It hurt more than anything she'd felt ever before. He started moving inside her and she turned away so she didn't have to look at him when he violated her.

"You feel so good, baby," he panted and turned her head to look at him, planting a kiss on her mouth. Her moment of shock allowed his tongue to enter her mouth and she didn't think twice before she bit down, just to feel that she had some control. To be able to say that she hadn't just given up.

"Fuck," he groaned and pulled back from her face, looking down at her with dark eyes. "You fucking bit me." A hand struck against her face and the other one squeezed around her throat as he leaned forward. "It's alright, Amanda. I'll forgive you."

The hand around her throat didn't leave her though and he kept moving fast and hard inside her. She tried to claw on his hand, to get some air, but he was squeezing so hard and she was sure this was it for her. When the darkness took over she decided to welcome it.

She didn't know what had made her wake up from the haze, but her mind and eyesight were much clearer now. Her memory of what happened before she passed out wasn't that clear though and she had a nasty headache. Letting out a moan she finally managed to sit up and look at her surroundings. Her throat and body hurt like hell and she knew she would have a bruise or two.

"You're awake," a voice made her jump out of her skin. Her head turned and looked at him, eyes wide and mouth open as if to say something, but she couldn't get out a sound. "You should get dressed. You've been gone for an hour so your colleagues must be worried. I really didn't mean for you to pass out, you couldn't enjoy it as much as I did." He said casually, smirking, as he put his clothes on. "I'll see you downstairs."

With those words he left and she tried to hold back her tears. If she let go now she wouldn't be able to go downstairs and she knew that she needed to get out of there.

On shaky legs she finally stood up and looked around for her dress that lay scattered on the floor, luckily in one piece. Her panties were gone though and she was positive Tom had taken them with him so that she would be forced to go without any.

She checked herself in the mirror to wash away her smudged make up and fix her hair. Could she really face her team after this? Maybe she should sneak out through a backdoor. The drugs was at least wearing off which told her that he hadn't put much in her champagne, just enough to weaken her. That coward.

After fixing her dress, hair and make up, she left the room and slowly walked through the halls and down the stairs. Her brain was still searching for an excuse as to why she had gone MIA for an hour, but she couldn't come up with anything believable.

"Amanda," a voice interrupted her thoughts as she was entering the ballroom again. She turned to her colleagues and friends, knowing she would have to talk to them before leaving. "Did you enjoy the tour?" It was Fin who was asking and Amanda must have looked like a deer caught in headlights before realizing that that's what they had been told.

"Oh, uhm, yes..." she nodded and moved a shaky hand through her hair. "It's really a nice building."

Olivia furrowed her eyebrows and looked at the younger blonde with concern. "Are you alright, Amanda?"

She nodded quickly, realizing she wasn't doing a very good job of pretending nothing had happened. "Yes of course... but I think I had a little too much to drink. I feel kind of nauseous." It wasn't a complete lie and they seemed to buy it.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Nick wondered since they already had plans to stay the night together.

"No, it's okay Nick. I'll just grab my own cab and I'll see y'all tomorrow," she smiled stiffly, shooting a quick glance at Tom as he winked at her. If she wasn't nauseous before, she was sure she was going to throw up now.

Without another word she turned around and walked quickly out of there, but just like she had expected Nick followed her.

"Did something happen, Amanda?" He wondered as the evening air hit them, causing her to wrap her arms around her own body.

"Go inside again. I'll be fine," she said, quietly, afraid he'd hear her voice shake.

"Come on, you know you can talk to me," he kept going and she put her hand up to call a cab over.

"Nick, I'm tired and frankly, kind of embarrassed that I drank this much and that all those people got to see me dance." She tried to look him straight in the eyes, just so he wouldn't worry. "I'll see you tomorrow," she sighed and got into the vehicle, leaving a very confused Nick as the cab drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I'm so sorry that I never updated this story. I just haven't been in the mood to write, but I rewatched SVU from when Amanda joined and I've been reading a lot of fanfics lately.**

 **Also, I wanted to say that I was so disappointed with the last episode because the summary said that Amanda would go undercover and when she did it was only for a couple of minutes.**

 **Well, I hope you enjoy this and that I manage to keep her in character. Sorry for any mistakes, English isn't my first language**

Chapter 2

During her years of working as an SVU detective, Amanda Rollins had talked to all types of victims. There had been those who wanted nothing more than to put their attacker in prison and the ones unwilling to cooperate, who just wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened. Amanda would fall into the latter category. The blonde was well aware that taking a shower was against everything they told the rape victims they met on a daily basis. The chance of catching her attacker would decrease if she washed away all the evidence, but a big part of her wanted to get rid of his shell, his touch, his fluids... then there was her reasonable part. What if she'd want to press charges in the future? What if he did this to someone else? No, Tom Wilkins didn't have problems getting women into bed, Amanda was probably the only one who rejected him which he couldn't handle.

Her blue eyes met those in her reflection as she stood in front of the mirror in the hallway. She had only made it inside the door, making sure to lock it and put the security chain on, and caught herself in the mirror. The bruise on her cheek would be the hardest to hide and then there was the one on her neck too, shaped exactly like the senator's fingers. Neither would disappear after just one night and would sure bring up some questions in the morning. Maybe she could make them believe that she'd been mugged? She needed a new phone anyways. That would also give her an excuse to why she hadn't picked up any of the calls from Nick. There were five of them last time she checked. Perhaps if she'd done a better job of convincing him everything was okay, he wouldn't be so eager to get a hold of her.

With a shaky sigh she finally left the mirror and walked into the kitchen where Frannie anxiously waited for some food. She had as usually ran up to Amanda as soon as she entered the apartment, but left as the woman didn't seem to pay much attention to her. Right now, Amanda had other things on her mind, but she still reached for the can of dog food and poured it into her bowl.

"I'm sorry, Frannie," Amanda said and tried to smile as she patted her head, scratching her behind the ears. The dog never failed to make Amanda feel better. It was the closest thing she had to a family right now after the stunts her sister pulled and how little she saw her mother. Amanda had always been able to hold her own, both back in Georgia and now, while her sister had claimed all her mother's attention.

Standing up again, she pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a glass, pouring the dark liquid into it. She just needed something to help her forget if only for a moment. Or perhaps she just wanted to stall. So far she hadn't been able to make a decision about whether or not to shower. If she did decide to go to the hospital her squad was sure to find out and what would happen then? They would treat her with baby gloves and would force her into therapy before letting her go back to work. And if she couldn't work she would drive herself crazy.

Amanda shook her head. They couldn't find out. She wasn't even sure her captain would believe her. Olivia had recently told her that she didn't trust the younger detective after everything that happened with Murphy and the gambling. She'd made a fool out of herself too many times to count and she just couldn't let that happen again.

That made her decision much easier. Downing the rest of her whiskey, she put her glass away and left the kitchen to finally wash away everything that had happened. Something in the pit of her stomach was trying to tell her to stop, but this time she wouldn't listen.

She headed straight for the bathroom and got rid of her dress, which she would later burn. The water was turned on and as it warmed up she took another look in the mirror, checking how much damage had been done to her body. There was no way she was going to let Nick see her like this, the evidence of the assault. When the water was hot enough she stepped inside and closed her eyes hard. Her hand moved through her hair and she opened her mouth slightly to inhale a deep breath. She leaned back against the tiled shower wall and slid down to the floor, resting her arms on her knees. That's when she finally let her tears fall, blending with the warm water from above. It was as if they weren't even there. An involuntary sob escaped her and she buried her head in her hands, letting everything go. Images from earlier that evening played over and over again in her in bits and pieces. Him hovering over her, his voice whispering sweet nothings, hands around her neck, making breathing impossible. Tugging at her hair, she willed those memories to leave her head, but they just wouldn't.

She couldn't help but to imagine what the senator was doing now, how no one in that room would know that there was a predator among them. And here she was, washing all of the evidence of it away. The blonde let out a frustrated scream before reaching for the loofah and soap to scrub her body clean. His touch, his smell, his fluids, everything would go down the drain. She would pretend that nothing ever happen and in time it would be as if nothing did.

Nick had tried calling his girlfriend all evening, but no one had answered. He knew she had told him to stay away tonight, that she'd had too much to drink and just wanted to sleep, but he wanted to take care of her. Olivia and Fin had made him stay at that party and he had tried to let things go, but it was hard when she'd seemed fine just moments ago. Perhaps she was mad at him for letting her dance with the mayor and now she wanted to punish him. That did actually sound like her.

"You're worrying too much," Fin said and handed him a beer. "She just needed some time. You'll see her in the morning anyways."

Nick sighed and took the beer from the older detective. "I know," he sighed and took a sip. "We had planned on getting out of here early and go back to her place to watch a movie or something." He knew he was probably saying too much, but this wasn't news to any of them. "But then she grabbed a cab on her own."

"It's been a long day," Olivia commented and gave him a reassuring smile. "All of us need some sleep, but she's the only smart one to get some." This drew a laugh even from Nick, which died as the senator came over once again.

"I'm glad to see that all of you are enjoying yourselves." His eyes moved between them as he talked. "Did detective Rollins decide to leave?" He asked, sounding surprised.

Olivia took a sip from her white wine before replying. "She didn't feel very well and needed some sleep." The sergeant said, honestly. "As a matter of fact, I think it's time we all leave. Thank you so much for inviting us to this party, but we have an early morning."

"Oh, yes, of course," the senator nodded, flashing them his signature smile. "The criminals don't catch themselves, right? I hope to see you all again someday, but hopefully under the right circumstances." He winked at them and the squad didn't hesitate to leave.

"He sure is something," Fin muttered as soon as they exited the building.

"I, for one, don't wanna run into him again," Olivia said with a small grimace as stopped in front of a cab that just pulled up. "Hopefully he will be too busy with the senator job to remember our existence."

The two men laughed slightly, agreeing with Olivia. "Well, I'll see you two tomorrow," Nick said as he got into a cab.

"Yeah, see you, Nick. Goodnight," Olivia said and watched the vehicle drive away. "You think he'll be okay?" She asked, turning to Fin.

"I say kid's worried for nothing."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I'm so sorry about the first chapter. Something happened with the format and it was unreadable! Thankfully someone told me this so I could change it :) I hope you like this chapter. If you have any ideas for the future, please tell me because I love to please my readers :)**

—-

Chapter 3

Amanda didn't know when she had fallen asleep or how many times she had woken up during the time. He had visited her several times during the night and she had a hard time knowing if she was dreaming or if he was actually present in her apartment. At one time she had been sure he was in her apartment which kept her from closing her eyes. But she must've at some point because when her eyes opened the sun was streaming through the blinds. Her t-shirt was stuck to her back, the sweat soaking through her clothes. She was in a desperate need of another shower, she realized and stood up on wobbly feet and stumbled toward the bathroom. Once again she put the shower on and waited for it to turn scolding hot. She looked like a mess, she noted when she looked at herself in the mirror. The bruise on her cheek had gotten bigger and bluer and the one around her neck too.

Her throat was sore, every time she swallowed she was reminded of the damage done. With a sigh she stepped under the warm water and closed her eyes, enjoying the burning sensation in her skin. On any other day the water would be too hot for her, but today she welcomed it. She knew she'd feel cleaner afterwards.

She didn't know how long she'd been standing in the shower, her usually pale complexion had turned red from the heat. The blonde dried of and put the towel around her body before entering her bedroom again. Her wardrobe didn't consist of many shirts that would cover her neck, but she did own one turtleneck sweater which she immediately grabbed. She had already decided to say that she'd been robbed to explain the bruises, but she didn't need them to see that she'd almost been strangled if it wasn't necessary. Maybe there was a chance that they would catch a glimpse of it, but she would stick to her cover story.

When she was all dressed and the make up was done, mascara and a thin layer of foundation to conceal the bruise on her cheek as well as she could. Checking the time in the kitchen, her eyes widened. She was due to work in five minutes which would be impossible for her. Quickly she grabbed the car keys and ran out of the apartment, locking the door. Olivia hated when she was late and the excuses she brought with her. The captain could see right through Amanda's lies. At least traffic was kind to her this morning, the only positive thing.

Fifteen minutes later she could finally pull into the parking garage under the 1-6 precinct. Before she exited the car she checked herself in the mirror, seeing the bruise that shone through her make up. Perhaps seeing Amanda's face would make Olivia hold back on her anger. The blonde detective had made one to many mistakes in her captains eyes, but she had really tried to get on her good side. This was not how to do it.

The ding of the elevator pulled her out of her thoughts and she stepped inside, pressing button for the right floor. Her hand was still shaking and she knew she'd have to get a grip of herself. As soon as the doors open again, she would be her normal self, nothing was wrong. And that's what happened. The clicking of her boots echoed through the hall as she made her way into the squad room.

"I'm so sorry I'm late," she croaked out, but was quiet for a moment, realizing she hadn't come up with an excuse yet. "I spent all morning talking to my insurance company since some jackass stole my purse last night. It had my phone and everything." She sighed as she took off her coat. Mentally, she patted herself on her back for the excuse. She was going to blame her bruise on the mugging anyways.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked from the doorway of her office, her arms crossed over her chest. Her face showed some concerned, but Amanda still wasn't sure the older woman believed her.

"Yeah, yeah, he just punched me and stole my things, but luckily I have a great insur..." she paused as she noticed something new on her desk. How didn't she notice these before? Realizing she must have paled at the sight she decided to smile and looked at one of her colleagues. "Oh Fin, you shouldn't have."

Fin held up his hands and chuckled slightly. "Don't look at me. They were there when I got here. Nick?"

Nick probably would've been the more obvious choice, but Amanda knew that he would never deliver flowers where everyone could see. The dark haired man shook his head too and waited for Amanda to read the card.

Even before she read the small note, she had a bad feeling and she almost didn't want to know who it was from. 'Thank you for last night, darling. I hope to see you soon again. Xo Tom'

Swallowing hard, she tried to keep the bile from rising in her throat. She just couldn't stop staring at the card and the room suddenly got really quiet. A hand on her shoulder startled her and she dropped the unwanted thank you on the floor.

"Rollins?" A pair of brown eyes looked down at her and she wondered how long she'd been frozen in her steps. "Are you alright?"

"Sorry, I guess it just took me of guard," she chuckled slightly, hoping her voice didn't shake too much. "I'm not used to getting flowers."

She bent down and picked up her card again and threw it in the trashcan. The same happened with the roses, even if she didn't want to act as if something was wrong, but they all knew she didn't like the senator.

"You don't like roses?" Fin asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm allergic?" She tried and moved her eyes between her colleagues. It was obvious they knew exactly who they were from, she just hoped no one had taken a peak at that note before she arrived to work and misinterpreted the whole thing. The card didn't hold the truth behind that message. "Alright, you all know how I feel about him."

"Do we?" Nick spoke for the first time since she'd arrived and the tone of his voice told her everything she needed to know. Her boyfriend had read the thank you card from Tom and assumed the worst, like anyone would if their partner suddenly got a dozen roses from another person.

Amanda was just about to respond to the man when he stood up and left the room, clearly upset and before she was able to follow him, Olivia cleared her throat. "I think it's time to get back to work."

How could she go back to work when she knew her boyfriend was mad? Though perhaps this was for the best. If Nick didn't want anything to do with her, there would be no questions asked and Amanda wouldn't have to work so hard to keep this secret. If Nick knew something was wrong, he'd pull it out of her in seconds and she couldn't let that happen. There was still that reasonable part of her that told her to just explain everything and he would believe her, but the other part was afraid that he wouldn't.

"So what have we got?" She asked instead and looked up at her boss. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife so going back to work would be a nice distraction for everyone.

"A woman was raped in the subway last night. Rollins, you will go with me to the hospital and talk to the Vic. Fin, you'll take Nick as soon as he's done with his tantrum, and check the subway. See if the surveillance cameras picked up on something."

Amanda grabbed her coat once again and put it on, ready to get out of there and work. "Then let's go," she gave a half smile and glanced in the direction Nick had gone. Maybe this was what that asshole had wanted, to make her boyfriend leave and never look back. Though there was no way in hell she would go running into Tom's arms. If she had a say in things she would never see him ever again.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N Sorry for the delay! Christmas and starting school again kept me very busy. But here it is! I hope you like it...**

—

Chapter 4

Nick needed time to cool off before going back to work. His girlfriend had just entered the room, pretending that nothing had happened between her and Tom Wilkins when those roses told him the complete opposite. And she was trying so hard to hide it by throwing them into the trashcan as soon as she read the card, probably afraid to get busted. But it was too late. Nick had gotten there before her and since he knew he hadn't sent his girlfriend flowers, he wanted to know who they were from.

Then he did the math. Amanda had been alone with the senator for over an hour and they came back at different times as if trying to hide something. Amanda had then been too quick to get out of there. Why else would she act like that? The older man had a reputation that he could get anyone to drop their panties, and now it had worked on his girlfriend too. She didn't even have the decency to follow and explain herself, not that he was dying to see her anyways. His fist connected with the wall and he winced at the pain shooting through his knuckles.

"What did that wall do to you?" Fin asked behind him, making him turn around, his hand holding his bruised knuckles.

"I just needed to hit something and that wall was close."

Though what he really wanted to see his fist connecting with was Tom Wilkins' face. The guy had had a thing for Amanda since they first met and Nick had just laughed about it, thinking he had nothing to worry about. He'd even pushed her into his arms to tease her, but now the joke was on him.

"Come on Nick, whatever the card said, do you really think Amanda would sleep with a jerk like that?" Fin tried to reason with him. They all knew that Nick had some anger issues and had been forced to take a class to deal with it.

"I know that she has an issue with authority figures and what her track record with men looks like," Nick said with a sigh. Perhaps he should just be pissed at Wilkins, though, for seducing his girlfriend, but the betrayal still hurt so he didn't know if he was ready to forgive her quite yet.

"You haven't talked to her yet," Fin pointed out. "Hear what she has to say before you judge her."

"Something happened between them, I'm sure of it. She's not acting like herself. There's something she's hiding," Nick said and looked at the older detective. He couldn't ignore that feeling in the pit of your stomach.

"Then talk to her tonight. If you don't, this will affect work. I mean you almost broke your hand, beating up the wall," Fin cracked a crooked smile and the two detectives remained silent for a few moments as the advice sunk into Nick's mind. "Now come on, we have a job to do."

—

The car ride over to the hospital was done in silence. Amanda could feel that her boss wanted to talk about how she acted that morning, but they both knew that the blonde wouldn't answer any question the brunette had. Perhaps going to work this morning was a big mistake, but being alone with her thoughts wasn't an option either. When they arrived to the hospital they were directed to the rape victim and Olivia took the lead.

"Evelyn? My name is Detective Benson and this is Detective Rollins and we're from the Special Victims Unit. We'd like to ask you some questions if that's okay with you? "

The girl looked at the two agents, her eyes red and swollen from crying, her make up smudged around her eyes. For a moment it seemed like she wasn't going to answer, but after removing a few loose strands of hair from her face she opened her mouth.

"It all happened so fast," she whispered so quietly they really had to strain their ears to hear what she was saying. "I was alone in the cart first… Then these guys entered and I didn't want to pay them any attention. They were laughing and shoving each other so I kept my eyes on the window so they wouldn't notice me or talk to me." She paused, trying to gather herself enough to continue. Inhaling a shaky breath, she chose to go on. "But one of them did. I tried to ignore his comments, but that just made things worse." She shook her head and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. "I should've just talk to them."

Amanda watched the woman intently, swallowing hard. "This wasn't your fault," she tried to tell the girl and a part of her was trying to tell herself that too, even if she didn't believe it. "You talking to them probably wouldn't have made any difference."

The girl looked up again, her doe eyes meeting Amanda's.

"Did you get a good look at him?" Olivia cut in.

The girl furrowed her eyebrows as she thought for a second. "They were white, around 20 years old I think. Two of them were very tall." She closed her eyes as she tried to remember something more. "There was a tiger tattoo… And one had a scar on his cheek…" Another pause. "I don't remember anything else," she sighed apologetically.

"You did great," Olivia encouraged. "I promise we will do everything to find the guys who did this."

The two detectives left the room, heading out of the hospital. They were quiet all the way to the car and Amanda knew this would be a long day.

—

Amanda was exhausted when she finally entered her apartment. They hadn't solved the case, but someone was in custody at least so hopefully they had caught the right guy and he might tell on the others.

The girl needed some justice and the detectives were as determined as ever.

Dropping her purse by the side of the door, she locked the door and put the safety on. She just wanted to take a long bath and get her mind off everything. Nick hadn't even bothered talking to her since she received the flowers so she knew for sure that he was still pissed.

Perhaps she should just tell him the truth, but it was humiliating. She never wanted to say those words out loud. Turning around toward her kitchen something made her stop in her tracks. More flowers. He had been to her apartment, or he was still there. By instinct she grabbed the gun from her purse and held it in front of her as she slowly started walking through her apartment, her heart beating faster.

"I'm hurt, Amanda," a too familiar voice said from the darkness just before a light was turned on and she recognized Tom Wilkins' face.

The gun was held steady, aimed at him, even if she felt broken inside. "Get out," she said through her teeth, hoping her voice didn't tremble too much. "Or I swear to God I will shoot you in the head."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," he shook his head at her and stood up, making Amanda almost pull the trigger. "If anything happens to me they're going to find a video of you and I on my computer." The man was calm as he talked, not at all afraid to be staring down the barrel och a gun.

A video? She wasn't sure if he was bluffing and what on earth she would find on it, but she guessed the video didn't look good for her.

"What do you want?" She asked instead, swallowing hard. She wouldn't let him do anything more to her.

"Isn't it obvious, Amanda?" He hummed and stood in front of her, reaching for the gun and pulling it from her hands. "Did you like the flowers I sent you?" His hand went up to caress her cheek and shove a strand of hair behind her ear.

A chill crept down Amanda's back, like a spider. For a moment she was frozen in place which allowed him to take her gun, her safety net.

"I really enjoyed last night and I knew I just had to see you again," he whispered into her ear, making her finally take a step back.

"You have to leave," she said, her voice smaller than she'd ever heard it before. A video. There was a video of the two of them that could be released if she did anything to him. Where would he send it? Her squad? The press? They would probably have a field day if a sex tape with the senator came out.

"You know I can't leave until I get what I want," he hummed and took a step forward again.

"I have a boyfriend," she said quickly, even if she wasn't sure that was still true. Did Nick still want to be with her? "He's coming here tonight." That last part was definitely a lie, but she needed the older man to leave.

"That detective guy?" He laughed at her and grabbed her wrist. "We both know that he's gonna be tired of you soon. I can give you everything he can't."

Perhaps it is true what people say... Guys want what they can't have. Tom Wilkins could get any woman he liked, but still he kept pursuing the one who hated his guts. The older man had already gotten what he wanted and he knew she wouldn't tell so why continue?

"Leave." She said again, this time more firmly.

The hand that met her cheek took her by surprise and made her fall backwards as she tried to regain her focus. The pain that followed was nothing to the sudden fear taking over her body. Quickly she moved backwards and against her better judgement threw up her leg, kicking his leg hard. The moment of pain gave her a chance to get up on her feet and run toward her bedroom where she knew she could lock herself inside. But her hair was quickly yanked backwards so that her back was up against him. There was something sharp pressed against her throat and she didn't even dare to swallow.

"If you keep fighting like that, I'll be forced to send that video to your detective friend."

"Please..." she whispered.

"Oh, I love when they beg," he purred into her ear and sucked her earlobe into his mouth, making bile rise in her throat.

But he probably didn't realize something. He just told her there were more of them, more like her... Of course there would be more women he assaulted, sexual predators like him didn't stop at just one.

His tongue moved across her cheek and she was sure she was going to throw up any moment now. The hand that wasn't holding the knife moved up to touch her breast and she squirmed as much as the sharp blade allowed. What if she threw her head back? That would make him release his grip, but also send that video. She shuddered at the thought.

A sudden knock on the door startled her, but also filled her with hope again. Surely Tom would leave now that someone was here to see her. But he didn't move. Instead he put a large hand over her mouth to keep her from yelling out for help. There was no way he could explain this situation. Right?

His eyes seemed to darken slightly, warning her not to say a word. He wasn't even going to let her open and get rid of him.

"Amanda, I know you're in there. I'm not going to leave until you open the door," he said and Amanda could hear that the man was angry.

Tom didn't seem to know what he should do, but he backed her away toward the couch and made her sit down. When his hand disappeared from her mouth, she was prepared to scream, but the butt of her own gun was slammed against the side of her head, making her slump against her seat.

She could barely move and her mind felt foggy, as if she was drifting into unconsciousness. The senator stood up and she could hear him shuffle around the room, but she didn't know what he was planning. Her vision was blackened and she was struggling to keep herself awake. He had left the room for a second because everything was quiet, but then he came back and the television was turned on, possibly to drown out her own voice if she ever tried to scream. Right now she felt like her head was going to blow up and all she wanted was some sleep.

At last the door was opened. "Hey... Nick right?" Tom said, barely audible over the noise from the TV. His voice was a lot friendlier than he'd sounded moments before. "Sorry, you had to wait."

Nick was quiet for a while and Amanda just wanted to call out for him, but she couldn't for the world find her voice. "I wanted to talk to Amanda, but I can see she already has company," he finally said.

Shit.

He was pissed.

Amanda tried to call out for him, but all that came out was quiet groans that probably didn't reach the door. She needed to tell him that nothing was going on between them; that she didn't want any of that. It was embarrassing that a detective like herself found herself in this situation and couldn't fight her way out of it.

"I'm sorry, man, we're a little busy right now. I'm just about to join her in the shower," he chuckled slightly and Amanda tried to move away from where she was now lying on the floor, to crawl toward the door. Surely Nick must see through his bullshit? There was no way he could believe that she would willingly sleep with a slime-bag like Tom Wilkins who would brag about his conquests.

"Yeah, I guess I'll see her tomorrow," Nick said and the blonde knew he had to fight hard not to punch Tom's smug look off his face.

The door was quickly closed and Amanda's hope was gone. She knew that nothing could save her from what was about to happen now.

 **—**

 **A/N This does not look good. Now I'm wondering how graphic I should make the rape? Would you be uncomfortable if I described it or should I skip through it quickly? Please review and tell me what you think!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Oh man, I haven't updated in ages! Actually I wrote the first half of this chapter a while ago in my notebook and then I just never got around to posting it, but I do miss writing! I'm not that happy with this chapter but Nick had to realize he was being a complete idiot ;) One reason to why this was hard to write is probably because Nick isn't on the show anymore**

 **I hope you enjoy!**

 **—**

Chapter 5

Nick had every intention of talking things through with Amanda, to listen to her side of the story. Fin's advice had gotten to him and he knew that he often jumped to conclusions. So he had forced himself to calm down by the time he stood outside the door. Perhaps he was even excited to see her, he wanted to make things work with her. They had once talked about their future together and he really wanted to see that come through, especially when her wall had begun crumbling down.

Finally knocking on her door, he took a step back and waited for the door to open. A part of him was nervous about how she would react seeing him there after he acted like a jackass. But his previous concerns all disappeared when the door opened by none other than Tom Wilkins. His fists clenched to his side as he looked into the man's eyes. That smug look did nothing to calm his anger. He wanted to beat it off him, but that would make him lose his job for sure. He wasn't wearing a shirt either which told him everything he needed to know.

It was hard to concentrate on the man's world as anger consumed him. They were showering together? And more than that. Nick mumbled something about seeing her tomorrow, which he honestly didn't think he could stand.

As he left the building he brought out his cell phone. He didn't know why he felt the need to call Fin after his discovery, but that's the first thing he thought about. Maybe he just wanted to say 'I told you so' because trying to talk to her had really been a mistake. Seeing their affair up close was something other than just suspecting it after the roses.

"Fin," the other detective answered.

"He was there," Nick said shortly through gritted teeth.

Through the phone he could almost hear the frown on Fin's face. "Who was there?"

"Tom fucking Wilkins. I did what you told me. I went there to talk to her about all this and he opened the door, practically naked."

"And Amanda? Did you talk to her?" Fin asked, concern evident in his voice.

"No, she was in the shower," Nick shook his head and stepped into his car. "He was just about to join her."

"That's strange, don't you think? Why would she send him to open the door?"

"What are you saying?" He frowned, looking up at Amanda's apartment building.

Nick could hear Fin starting to move around on the other side of the phone and the younger detective couldn't be more confused.

"You need to go back up there," Fin told him, a door slamming in the background. "Amanda might be in trouble. I'm on my way, but you need to get her out of there."

"Are you serious? She doesn't want to see me. She's obviously made her choice," he put the keys in the ignition.

"Get your head out of your ass, Nick, and do what I tell you," Fin raised his voice in a way he'd only done with their suspects. Nick had never been on the receiving end of it. "You might say that she has her problems with drinking and men, but that changed when she met you. She's been head over heels for you and you're going to throw that all away because a creep sent her flowers. Amanda would never go for a guy like Wilkins, not after everything that happened with Patton. And I've heard the rumors about this guy. Nothing good."

The detective was quiet for a moment as he let the information sink in and the truth finally dawned on him. How could he have been so fucking stupid? He let his own pity party get in the way of seeing what was really in front of him. The accidental touches that had made Amanda shy away from Wilkins, how uncomfortable she'd been during the dance, how they'd disappeared and the way Amanda looked when she got back, her reaction to the flowers, everything up to this point. How could he have been so stupid?

Without further thought he jumped out of the car and sprinted to the apartment building, throwing the door open and running up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

His fist connected with the door as soon as he knocked, yelling her name through the wooden barrier.

"Open up, Amanda!" If what Fin said was correct the blonde wasn't going to open the door. Perhaps Wilkins would, though, and try to feed him another lie that Nick probably would've believed earlier.

Again he banged on the door, hearing someone move on the other side. He would only wait a few more minutes before kicking the door down. When he was finally let in, he pushed past a now dressed senator.

"By all means, enter," the senator laughed behind him. "She's still in the shower. I was just about to leave."

Nick didn't pay the other man much attention as he searched through the apartment, but he could hear Wilkins grab his jacket and leave. He was already worried about the state he would find Amanda, if Fin's theory was true. Oh, how he prayed they weren't. He would rather she'd cheated on him.

The shower was on just like it'd been when he'd come there before, but this time he chose to enter the bathroom. First he knocked two times just so he wouldn't invade her privacy, not that he hadn't seen her naked before. Though he had never seen her in the state she was in now. She was in the shower and she was naked and the water was currently washing what any chance of finding DNA.

Her arms were wrapped around her and she was barely conscious. Nick knew he would beat himself up for letting this happen, but right now it wasn't about hating himself. This was about Amanda and getting her help.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered as he quickly approached the shower to turn off the scolding hot water. A moan left her lips and he hurried to wrap her up in a towel and carry her out of there.

"What did he do to you?" There had to be some kind of drug in her system by the way she was acting, or not acting. She was barely moving and the only thing that told him she was conscious was the constant mumbling, as if she was trying to tell him something but couldn't find the right words.

This son of a bitch was definitely going to jail for this. He might've thought he was untouchable, but the evidence was too much. Grabbing his phone he dialed 911 to call for both the ambulance and police who could gather all the proof they needed to convict him. Nick barely noticed when Fin entered the apartment through the still opened door. How was it that Fin could tell Amanda was in trouble when he hadn't even been there, while Nick had been clueless, clouded by his anger.

"I was too late," he told the older detective, as soon as he'd hung up the phone. The woman on the line had already told him that a car and a bus was sent to Amanda's resident and he needed them to hurry.

"What happened to her?" Fin wanted to know, his eyes scanning the place. Nick could see the fire in his eyes, the anger.

"I found her in the shower. He had already..." he couldn't make himself say the words out loud. Amanda was his girlfriend and it was his job to protect her. Not that she was incapable of taking care of herself, but he wanted her to be safe, to be happy. And still he had left her here instead of persisting on seeing her and working things out.

"Where's Wilkins?" He said, voice dark with venom.

"He left when I came back," Nick told him and brushed through Amanda's soaked hair.

"And you let him?" Fin accuser. Of course he already thought this was Nick's fault for not seeing what was really in front of his eyes.

"I was more focused on making sure Amanda was okay," Nick told the detective. "It's not like he'll go anywhere... He's the senator and thinks he's untouchable. He's not going to run away."

"Then you won't mind me finding him and beating him to a bloody pulp?" Fin said and was ready to leave. He was just as overprotective of Amanda as Nick was, perhaps even more.

"Actually, I would. If you go after him you'll lose your job and he wins."

This was probably the first time Nick had talked someone else out of beating someone up. Usually it was the other way around with people trying to keep Nick calm.

Fin didn't get to reply as pounding steps could be heard and soon the paramedics entered, running up to Amanda who was still in Nick's arms.

"You need to put her down, sir, and we'll take over," a young man said and Nick did what was asked of him, even if he wanted to keep her in his arms forever.

The dark haired man stepped away from them as they shone their flashlight into her eyes and answered every question they had as well as he could. They strapped her onto a gurney and rolled her out of the room.

"I'm going with them," Nick announced to Fin who wouldn't protest.

"Alright! I'll call Benson, get her over here. We'll stop by the hospital later."

"Just don't do anything stupid," he said shortly and jogged after the paramedics.


End file.
